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 JOKES

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DELGADO
GENERAL OF THE ARMY
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Number of posts : 1031
Age : 52
Location : Dade City, FL
Registration date : 2008-11-27

PostSubject: JOKES   Wed Jan 07, 2009 5:36 pm

A Blond is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, 'Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.'
The blond starts crying to her husband, sobbing 'That's horrible!!! So many men dying that way!'
Confused, he says, 'Yes dear, it is sad, but they were
skydiving, and there is always that risk involved.'
After a few minutes, the blond, still sobbing, says,
'How many is a Brazilian?
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Whoacomer
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Number of posts : 76
Age : 52
Location : Gilroy CA
Registration date : 2008-11-27

PostSubject: Re: JOKES   Wed Jan 07, 2009 7:07 pm

Very Funny Del!

Here's another



Cowboy: "That your dog?"
Indian: "Yep."
Cowboy: "Mind if I speak to him?"
Indian: "Dog no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doin' all right."
Indian: (Look of shock!)
Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" (Pointing at the Indian)
Dog: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How's he treating you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me
to the lake once a week to play."
Indian: (Look of total disbelief)
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Indian: "Horse no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."
Indian: (Extreme look of shock!)
Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the Indian)
Horse: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How's he treating you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down
often and keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the weather."
Indian: (Look of total amazement)
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Indian: "Sheep lie”
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DELGADO
GENERAL OF THE ARMY
GENERAL OF THE ARMY
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Male
Number of posts : 1031
Age : 52
Location : Dade City, FL
Registration date : 2008-11-27

PostSubject: Re: JOKES   Wed Jan 07, 2009 7:10 pm

LOL.

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DELGADO
GENERAL OF THE ARMY
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Number of posts : 1031
Age : 52
Location : Dade City, FL
Registration date : 2008-11-27

PostSubject: Re: JOKES   Wed Jan 07, 2009 7:12 pm

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Whoacomer
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Number of posts : 76
Age : 52
Location : Gilroy CA
Registration date : 2008-11-27

PostSubject: Re: JOKES   Wed Jan 07, 2009 11:17 pm

GIVING UP WINE





I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a
particularly

Dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a
Couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, got out ten
Dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it
Instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless woman told me.
"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said. "I need to
Spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair
Done in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm
Going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight."
The homeless woman was shocked. "Won't your husband be furious with you
For doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
I said, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks
Like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine."
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audie
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Number of posts : 316
Location : Region 14
Registration date : 2008-12-02

PostSubject: Re: JOKES   Fri Feb 27, 2009 8:32 pm

How Many Horses Does It Take to Change A Lightbulb?

  • Thoroughbred: Who ME?? Do WHAT? I'm scared of light bulbs! I'm outta here!
  • Arabian: I changed it an hour ago. C'mon you guys - catch up!
  • Quarter Horse: Put all the bulbs in a pen and tell me which one you want.
  • Standardbred: Oh for Pete's Sake, give me the darn bulb and let's be done with it.
  • Shetland: Give it to me. I'll kill it and we won't have to worry about it anymore.
  • Friesian: I would, but I can't see where I'm going from behind all this mane.
  • Belgian: Put the Shetland on my back, maybe he can reach it then.
  • Warmblood: Is the 2nd Level Instruction Packet in English? Doesn't anyone realize that I was sold for $75K as a yearling, but only because my hocks are bad, otherwise I would be worth $100K? I am NOT changing lightbulbs. Make the TB get back here and do it.
  • Morgan: Me! Me! Me! Pleeease let me! I wanna do it! I'm gonna do it! I know how, really I do! Just watch! I'll rewire the barn after, too.
  • Appaloosa: Ya'll are a bunch of losers. We don't need to change the lightbulb, I ain't scared of the dark. And someone make that darn Morgan stop jumping up and down before I double barrel him.
  • Haflinger: That thing I ate was a lightbulb?
  • Mustang: Lightbulb? Let's go on a trail ride, instead. And camp. Out in the open like REAL horses.
  • Lipizzaner: Hah, amateurs. I will change the lightbulb. Not only that, but I will do it while standing on my hind legs and balancing it on my nose, after which I will perform seven flying lead changes in a row and a capriole. Can you do that? Huh? Huh? Didn't think so.
  • Miniature: I bet you think I can't do it just cause I'm small. You know what that is? It's sizeism!
  • Akhal Teke: I will only change it if it's my owner's lightbulb and no one else has ever touched it.
  • Andalusian: I will delegate the changing of the lightbulb to my personal groom after he finishes shampooing my mane and cleaning my saddle, but only on the condition that it is changed for a soft blue or green bulb, which reflects better off my coat while I exhibit my astonishing gaits.
  • Cleveland Bay: I'm busy. Make the whipper-in and the hounds do it.
  • Saddlebred: My ears are up already, please, please get the lightbulb away from me! I'm ready to show, really, I promise I'll win!
  • Paint: Put all the lightbulbs in a pen, tell me which one you want, and my owner will bet you twenty bucks I can get it before the quarter horse.
  • POA: I'm not changing it. I'm the one who kicked the old one and broke it in the first place, remember? Now, excuse me, I have a grain room to break into.
  • Grade Horse: Guys? Um, guys? I hope you don't mind, but I went ahead and changed it while you were all arguing.





  • (Um...I think the Arabian changed it an hour ago!)
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audie
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Location : Region 14
Registration date : 2008-12-02

PostSubject: Re: JOKES   Mon Mar 02, 2009 8:48 pm

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